Back to Normal
by SomewhereElse31
Summary: Sooner or later she had stopped looking, and just let him be gone. She went on with her life and adjusted to having a baby on the way. She considered him to be the guy that got scared, ran, and couldn't be a man enough to take responsibility for something that was half his.


The all too familiar beep of hospital machines echoed inside her head, drumming to the beat of her heart. They came from all angles, entrapping her. She had become used to the pounding in her head due to the beeping earlier in the day, but she was so worn out that she just let the noise shake her insides and cloud her hearing.

Her best friend had just given birth. That's why she was at the hospital. she had gotten the call early yesterday morning and 26 hours of labor later, Sammy was born. He looked just like his dad, pleasing his mother. At first, Bex wanted Cammie in the room to watch the birth, but after hour 14 Cammie told her she couldn't do it. She went home, took a shower and came back just in time to see Grant holding the small wrinkly guy for the first time. Cammie teared up at the sight. She wished somebody like that would be there for hers.

The hospital receptionist had been confused at first when Cammie walked in that morning and asked what Bex's room number was. The lady asked her if she needed a room herself.

"Oh, no, no, no," Cammie had explained. "I'm only six months along."

What an interesting six months it was.

It started off right. No worries, jut excitement. Sure, they weren't married, but a lot of people had kids out of wedlock these days, plus it wasn't like they had planned for her to get pregnant. He had been supportive, caring, loving. She had been happy, genuinely happy. Her best friend was pregnant and so was she. What could be better?

Then she woke up one morning and he was gone. Just plain gone. No note, no phone call, no sign of where he went. She scowered the house, looking for any clues. Nothing turned up. He hadn't even taken any extra clothes. Just disappeared into thin air, and left her that air to breathe.

She thought at first that maybe he was on a mission. A top clearance one that nobody could know about, but when she asked everyone, CIA even, they all said they had no idea where he was. That was a sign, because CIA normally told her he was on a mission. They wouldn't tell her where or for what, but they told her. Now she had to make up her own theories.

Maybe he got cold feet. Maybe he was scared. Bringing a baby into the espionage world was extremely risky. they were basically defenseless. Maybe it was a mixture of both so he just ran off and changed his name and his looks and started a new life where he could raise a baby in peace and not worry. Maybe he couldn't stand seeing her in constant danger with him around, when he was the only one who could fully protect her.

Sooner or later she had stopped looking, and just let him be gone. She went on with her life and adjusted to having a baby on the way. She considered him to be the guy that got scared, ran, and couldn't be a man enough to take responsibility for something that was half his.

She was finally feeling the sting of his absence wearing down a little when Bex gave birth. Everyone was there to celebrate this new life, and she felt it captivating her. She felt herself smile more than usual, laugh a little louder and she didn't think about Zach at all that day. Even the baby moved around more in her stomach.

The happiness and energy wore down though. She had eaten dinner with Bex in her room. They had talked about their babies. Bex had said she wished Cammie was happier.

"Bex," she said, her eyes not meeting Bex's, "I am happy. Really I am."

Her best friend looked at her skeptically. "Cam, I know Zach leaving was huge for you, but you have to move on. If CIA doesn't know where he is then who does? He's just a flake who left the most beautiful girl and what will be a beautiful baby to fend for themselves. He doesn't deserve you anyways."

"Do you think CIA does know where he is but they just won't tell me?" Cammie asked, almost disregarding everything Bex had said. She had heard it a million times before.

"No, I truly believe they don't know where he is," she explained. "After working there for five years, I know that they let the families know the agent is on a mission, no matter how high the clearance."

Cammie had heard that a million times too, but she kept asking in hopes that she would hear it enough times for it to be true.

She wanted somebody's help. That's all she wanted. But she only wanted it to be his.

* * *

She didn't want to go back in the room after taking a walk around the hospital floor. Her feet ached, as did her neck and back. The chair in the empty and dark lobby was not at all comfortable, but she didn't move. Even though it was after 11pm, she didn't want to go home and be alone, like every night. So she just sat and watched the night out the large windows.

Grant had already left for the night to go and try to get some sleep, so she was truly alone. She couldn't fight the urge to sleep, and rested her head back on the wall behind her, rubbing her swollen belly.

About ten minutes later she felt his presence in the entrance to the wing, but she didn't open her eyes. She didn't want him to think she could still remember the squeak of his shoes, or his familiar smell. She didn't want him to think she had been a wreck these past five months even though she was. So she waited for him to make the first move.

"How's Bex?" he asked. She hadn't expected those to be the first words he spoke to her after disappearing for almost half a year.

"She's perfect. So is her son, Sammy," Cammie answered, not looking at him and keeping her current position still as a rock.

"Wow," he finally spoke up after a moment of just studying her in the chair. "You've grown."

"I'm not five years old Zach," she opened her eyes and turned to look at him. Right then and there she almost lost it, but somehow kept her guard up. "The baby has grown, I have not."

He chuckled at her defensiveness and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"But you wouldn't know," she suddenly spat out, wanting him to feel her anger.

He had known that was coming, and he let it sink in between them before he took a few steps towards her.

Her pulse shot through her body with each step he took towards her until he was a mere five feet away. She could finally see the features she fell in love with standing before her. He looked horrible. Skinnier and tanner, his hear a ruffled mess. It had gotten longer. He had a gash above his left eye that was poorly bandaged, making it swell a little, and bruises on his neck. Where had he been?

"You look horrible," she told him flat out, staring up at him.

"Yeah," he answered, like he had heard it a thousand times. "I feel horrible."

"You should," she said immediately.

He looked down, knowing she would be this tough. He wasn't dealing with Liz or anybody here.

"Cammie I am so sorry," he said to her, looking her straight in the eyes, hoping maybe she would believe him.

She wasn't going to crack that easily. "Where were you Zach?"

"I can't tell you," he sat in the chair beside her and turned towards the woman he truly loved with all his heart, the one he was about to confess all to.

"I won't take it Zach," she shook her head, feeling the tears form in her eyes. _Dam you pregnancy hormones,_ she thought.

He reached for her hand and grasped it before she could pull it away. "I didn't leave willingly, you know that."

"No I don't know that," she answered harshly, not trying to be quiet anymore.

"Do you really believe I would leave you when you're pregnant?" he asked, emotion covering his face.

She scoffed. "But you did," she finally let the tears fall. "You did leave me Zach and I didn't know where you were and neither did anybody else and here I am now, about to have my life changed forever in three months and nobody is helping me. I feel like a joke, an outcast. I feel like you don't want me, or our kid. I feel worthless and I don't want the baby to feel like that and I will give them the best, so if you think you can leave for five months and come back and expect to be back in my life then don't, because I might still love you but that doesn't mean I will give you a second chance."

He didn't say anything for a minute or two, just took her in. He let the silence and the beeping of the hospital machines overtake him and his thoughts.

"About the time you found out you were pregnant I found out that my mother was alive. She hadn't died how ever many years ago when we thought we were finally safe. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry, and possibly hurt the baby. I planned to go through CIA to track her down and stop whatever she was doing but they didn't want me interacting with her anymore. They felt it would need more agents, when it didn't. So I resigned and went myself."

He let the words sink in a little before he continued, still holding onto her hand for dear life.

"It took a while to find her and when I did I had to get close to her again, so once I finally got what I needed it had been five months. I only came back when I knew I was absolutely sure you and the baby were safe. That's why I did this. I know I hurt you too much, but I would rather have you hate me for the rest of my life while you and the baby are healthy then have you both dead and me live with the regret that I didn't go after her."

She couldn't help her heart melting, no matter how hard she tried to keep it iced. "You killed your own mother," she said, more of a statement than a question.

"But you're safe."

"Are you back for good?"

"If you'll take me back."

"You were gone for five months Zach, it's going to take more than a five minute conversation to be fully back into our lives again."

He nodded. "I understand. But I will do anything for you to realize how serious I am. I didn't want to leave but I had to."

She smiled through the tears a little then, leaving him surprised. "How are there real guys in the world that are so committed?"

He smiled a little then too.

"Wait—you're not back in that easily," she said, the smile turning into a line. "You can start the process by meeting Sammy."

He smiled then, bringing her hand to press his lips gently against. She felt the gash on his lip on the back of her hand and felt her pulse race again. Maybe things weren't fully back to normal, but it was a start.


End file.
